No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
