She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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