i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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