you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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