So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
