I want to make a zoo with you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
