Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
