This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
