Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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