You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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