we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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