dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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