You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
