you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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