I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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