Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think people are normalizing furries
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
