The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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