are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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