five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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