i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
