at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's always time for handjobs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
