is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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