Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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