Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
