Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
