i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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