She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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