Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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