honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
