He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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