I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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