Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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