i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
