who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
