I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
