seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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