She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Welp...herpes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He shit in the fireplace
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
