nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize