Pants 0. Shit 1.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
