and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
