chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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