That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
