Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
