if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
