Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
