I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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