I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
