i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
