Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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