You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
