i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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