a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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