You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
