I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
