So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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