My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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