I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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