he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize