I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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