see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
