he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Best friends brother. Beat that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they're like a gay fantastic four
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
