I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize