Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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