I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
